I Wanna Be Sedated
by DarklitFaery86
Summary: Mamoru is trapped with two screaming women. Will he survive without the help of the other senshi, or will he die in the end? One-Shot.


**A/N:** This just hit me while I was getting dressed for my classes this morning. Haha, so enjoy a bit of crack to start your day. ;D This is just a one-shot.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Sailor Moon or the characters. I have no money, so please don't sue me.

oOoOo

"Spore."

"Air head."

"Brat."

"Ditz."

"Fungus."

Chibiusa sniffed daintily and simply _glared_ at her future mother. They were enjoying a breakfast that Mamo-chan cooked, and it was simply _delicious_. And, as always, her future mother was stuffing her face like it was the last meal she was ever going to eat.

"Keep eating like that Usagi-baka. I'm sure Sea World needs another whale to add to their collection."

Mamoru whimpered, and buried his face in his hands.

Usagi's face turned blood red, and her cheeks were puffed out (probably from all the food still in them) as she raised her chopsticks to point at Chibiusa.

"Y-You... You ungrateful-" Suddenly she stopped and flung herself at Mamoru, who sighed and immediately sweatdropped as her wailing started.

"Mamo-chaaaaaaaaan! I'm not fat right?! _Right_?!"

"No, No, Usako... you are most definitely not fat." He patted her on the head, and immediately started trying to unwrap her limbs from around his body. He definitely needed more coffee if he was going to put up with this all day.

"You're not fat right now," Chibiusa grinned like the Cheshire cat. "But if you keep eating like that we're going to have to use a submarine to locate you, seeing as you'll only be able to exist in the ocean."

Usagi finished pulling herself away from Mamoru before she sent herself flying at Chibiusa. Mamoru quickly left the living room as the verbal battle (and some pinching and hair pulling) commenced.

"I'm too old for this shit," he groaned and rubbed his eyes before pouring himself his _third_ cup of coffee. Normally two would do it for him, but if he was going to deal with the two of _them_, he needed more fuel.

Which brought him to the question of what they were going to do today? It was raining outside, so they couldn't go to the park and let them tire themselves out. Rei was too busy at the shrine to deal with them, Makoto was busy trying to clean up her apartment, Minako was either asleep or out shopping, and the two cats had managed to disappear somewhere in between. He had called all of them earlier when the two odangos started their verbal spar, and when they heard the commotion in the background, each senshi and cat had simply stated that they were too busy.

Mamoru snorted. _Yeah right. You guys just want to see me suffer._

oOoOo

_Meanwhile at Hikawa Shrine..._

"Let Mamaoru deal with them today. I need peace." Rei said as she flung herself on her bed.

Ami looked up from the book she was reading. "As much as I hate to say it, I have to agree. It's raining and those two being around each other screaming like banshees gives me a headache."

Makoto was sprawled out on the floor, eyes closed but listening. "I just can't handle them. They destroyed my apartment yesterday," she groaned and pulled her arms underneath her head. "It's been raining for _two days_. If we could go out somewhere in the _open_ I wouldn't mind, but..." she trailed off.

Minako was sitting on the floor as well, nose-deep in a magazine. "But," she finished for Makoto. "We don't have a death wish. I love them all, but damn it, I need a break sometimes!"

Artemis, who was curled up on Minako's lap, opened one eye. "They'll manage."

Luna, who was curled up on Makoto's back scoffed. "If they don't kill each other first."

"No, I don't think Chibiusa would kill Usagi. After all, without her, she wouldn't exist." Ami spoke.

Minako grinned evilly, and eyed Ami. "Sooooo..." she drawled out. "You have accepted the fact that our princess isn't so _innocent_ eh?"

Ami grumbled and blushed, pulling the book further to her face. She couldn't make out what the words on the page said anymore, but that was fine with her. "No, Minako..." she started. "But... I just... _Ah_, I don't wanna think about that!" Ami laid the book on her face.

The room broke out in laughter. In an apartment across Tokyo, another room was full of noise. Too bad it wasn't laughter...

oOoOo

_Back at Mamoru's..._

"_Enough_!" Mamoru yelled as he pushed himself in between Chibiusa and Usagi. The two girls stopped and blinked at him.

Usagi, who had duct-taped pillows to her head and chest, was wielding a mighty wooden spoon while Chibiusa, also covered in pillows, was trying to smack her with an umbrella.

Mamoru cleared his throat. "Look, I know you two have way too much energy to be trapped in here all day, so how about we go catch a movie?"

The two girls immediately dropped their gear and became starry-eyed. The folded their hands in front of their faces as if they were praying and got on their knees before him.

"Mamo-chan, thank yoooooou!" The two girls said in unison, and immediately clung to his arms.

Mamoru sighed. _At least it's quiet for now..._

oOoOo

"I'm sitting by Mamo-chan!" Usagi shrieked.

"_No_, Usagi-baka, _I am_!"

"No, me!"

"Me!"

"_Me_!"

"You can _both_ sit by me!" Mamoru yelled and grabbed them by their hands and sat in the middle of them in the theater. Usagi was holding onto a huge container of popcorn (seriously, she just ate...) and a giant box of some kind of candy, and a large soda. Chibiusa had a small soda, and had decided for no treats since she had already eaten (and didn't want to be the size of a whale). Mamoru held his drink in his hand, wishing that he had something _stronger_ to throw in there. His head was pounding, and he hoped that by the end of the movie, the two would be content. It was some stupid chick-flick that they squealed over, but he didn't care. He just wanted peace and quiet. Peace. And. Quiet.

_Thirty minutes into the movie..._

"Usagi!" Chibiusa whispered loudly across Mamoru. "I want some popcorn!"

Usagi, already with a handful of popcorn in her mouth, was loading up another handful.

"No way!" She swallowed before shoving the other into her mouth. "You had your chance, and you said no! This is mine!"

"But it's large enough to feed a family of five!"

"But it's mine! Deal with it!"

"No, I won't deal with it!"

The audiences around them (which weren't that many) told them to "sush!" so they dropped lower in their seats, still glaring at each other.

"Beached whale." Chibiusa whispered to Usagi.

"Spawn of Satan."

"Hah! So you admit you're evil."

"What? No I didn't-"

"I'm your future daughter, so nyaaaah!" Chibiusa pulled her lower lash-line down and stuck her tongue out Usagi before grinning triumphantly and sitting up to enjoy the rest of the movie.

Usagi had waterfalls flowing down her eyes as she flung herself into Mamoru's shoulder.

"Mamo-chaaaaaaan!" She wailed, causing Mamoru to wince. "I'm not evil right?! Right?!"

"No, Usako," Mamoru spoke wearily. "You are the most innocent, loving person that I have ever met."

Usagi stared at him with hearts in her eyes and giggled, cuddling up against his side to watch the rest of the movie.

Mamoru pinched the bridge of his nose. At least they shut up for now.

oOoOo

"But I don't wanna go home!" Chibiusa cried as she clung to Mamoru's leg. The rest of the movie went by pretty well, and while the two had kept up with their little verbal spar, it wasn't a bad day.

But now...

Mamoru needed rest. He needed quiet. Peace. Usagi was tired and ready to go home (plus her mother had called saying she needed to clean her room and do various other things) and Chibiusa was pitching a fit.

"Chibiusa, I don't want to go either, but I don't want to face Mama's wrath!"

"Then you go!" Chibiusa stuck her tongue out and buried her face into Mamoru's leg. "I don't wanna! I don't have to!"

Mamoru bit his lower lip and placed a hand on Chibiusa's head. "Come on, kiddo, you need to go home. You and Usako need to go." He smiled at her.

Usagi's face crumbled, as she started to wail yet _again_. "You don't want me here?! But Mamo-chan, I thought you loved me!"

"I-I do, Usako, but-"

"You don't love either of us!" Chibiusa had dramatically thrown her arms around Usagi's neck, and they were both holding each other. Shouts of "Mamo-chan doesn't love us!" bounced off the walls, and he swore that if they kept crying, he would need a boat to navigate through his apartment."

"That-That's not what I meant!" He tried to yell over the two screaming banshees. "What I meant is-"

"What you meant is that you don't want us around anymore!"

Mamoru sighed and flung himself on the couch. He pulled a pillow over the back of his head to cover his ears, praying silently that he would suffocate in the process.

_And the wailing continued far into the night, even after the girls had gone home..._

_~FIN~_


End file.
